Salaam and hi to all,
Do you find it so hard to say "no" that you regularly do favors you do not want to do? Or do you find it hard to say "yes"? Most people who fear taking a stand in favor of their own true feelings are TOO concerned about what others will think about them (I am referring this to myself). This is the mark of a person lacking in self-confidence. (..and it refers to me, too.) Time will confirm the fact that one cannot please everyone by saying "yes" or "no" against their own wishes. Since you cannot control the feelings or the actions of other people, you will soon learn the only person you can control and please by whatever you decide to say- or do - is yourself! (I mean, myself.)
On the other hand, I used to find it hard to say no, but I have learned that I hurt feelings less by saying no. If I say yes out of obligation and do not want to do it, I am unhappy and maybe do not do as good of a job, or if I do a good job I am on edge and when there is one little complaint, I explode. For example "How dare you! You are so ungrateful. I didn't want to help you in the first place, now you complain about the job I did!" Experience has taught me that a simple and honest "I don't have time to do that right now" or even better "No" saves relationship better than doing things I don't want to do half heartedly. But, sometimes it is very hard to say “No” even though it is a genuine respond.
Having said that, I do not find it hard to say yes when I want to help, and since I can say no freely I have no problem in this area today. The good book says "Give with a glad heart". To me that means don't give and be grumpy about it. If I can't give gladly, everyone is better off if I just say no.
Just my two cents.
P/S: Saya ikhlas membantu, saya tidak mengharapkan apa-apa balasan. Dari awal lagi saya boleh buat don't know kalau saya mau, tapi saya tidak buat begitu. Tapi kalau macam ini punya perangai, siapa yang tidak terasa? Atau saya ini yang terlampau baik hati?
(Written on Wednesday, April 20th, 2011 at 12.33am)